About Me

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I'm 20 years young and overflowing with dreams, so much that I might end up drowning in them one day.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Don't Get Comfortable

Playing games with all the village kids

I went to Malawi for the first time last summer- almost exactly one year ago. It was life changing to say the least, and I've never enjoyed being somewhere so much. It actually pained me to come home last year. It's weird how a place so engulfed in devastation could be my paradise. I mean, it's the furthest from luxurious, and doesn't match my "picture perfect home" by a long shot, but I've never met happier people, and it really is just a beautiful place. It's nice to escape from technology and over-pretentious, selfish assholes for a few weeks and hang out with people who have absolutely nothing but who are the kindest people you've ever met. 

So, I'm going back on Friday and will be back August 15th. I'm not going with anyone I'm really friends with- which will be a big change, since last year I went with my boyfriend (of a year at that point), his sister who I was really close with, and their dad. I'm leaving my current boyfriend at home, which will be difficult to say the least. Leaving my computer behind, because I wouldn't have internet anyway. Pretty much packing the bare minimum because I have to fit everything into a carry on bag. Oh and I have to figure out a way to bring a bunch of my own food since I have the most restricted diet ever (there's no super markets there if you haven't figured that out; and no, I cannot buy gluten-free, dairy-free anything. Did I mention I'm pescatarian too?) 

This trip will be less than comfortable, I might even go a little hungry, but I think that's the point. Who cares if I can't eat a few meals--I'll be with incredible people who have to live a few months out of the year where their family and friends starve to death if they are lucky enough to survive it themselves. You're not supposed to be comfortable... you should never ever be comfortable at any point, otherwise you would never adapt. You would never grow. So, I'm excited to see what's to come, and I have to break my hesitation and concern. It's getting me no where, except a baggage full of stress (something I'm very experienced in packing).

Brought presents to a sponsored child and her family from a guy in California. They gave me a live chicken, a basket, and peanuts as thank you gifts.

Praise, the little boy I fell in love with.

Monday, July 25, 2011

The Power of Photoshop

Now that I'm trying to take at least a few pictures every day, I figured I'd start learning some more about Photoshop, so I thought I'd share some before and afters of a few shots I took last night before sunset. Natural light is magical. (Click for larger photos)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Good vs. Evil

Michal and I went on a nice walk around the flower garden at the YMCA in Laguna Niguel today. I took a few pictures (the one above included), but it was mostly just relaxing. It got me thinking more about some stuff I had scribbled little blurbs about the other night though-this whole concept of good vs. evil and light vs. dark. This thought really started earlier in the week when I was looking up at the stars (I know, so cliche). But I thought-and later wrote down- "Stars don't shine unless they're surrounded by darkness." With this, I realized that light and dark really don't exist without each other. If the shadow wasn't there, we wouldn't recognize sun light as sun light. It might exist, but without the contrast we wouldn't know any different. Then I thought, well good and evil don't really exist without each other either. Goodness wouldn't exist if we didn't know evil, and evil wouldn't exist if we didn't know goodness. BUT, good and evil are technically relative to everyone and their personal beliefs. I mean, look at the way the world works and the different cultures. Just as one man's trash is another man's treasure, one man's good is another man's evil and vice versa. I don't think there is one single thing that everyone in the world could agree is good or bad. The majority might agree that murder is wrong, but there are always "but"s and exceptions. The majority might agree that helping others is right, but there are still always going to be "but"s or "unless"es. So then I had to ask myself, if no one can agree upon what is truly right or wrong, or good or evil, and if it's all relative to different persons, do either really exist at all? Can existence be based purely on belief? Now this can't go exactly the same for the light vs. dark because light and dark are visual (although they still can't exist without the other), so I'm going to have to abandon that little thought for the mean time, but it was important to mention since it was that original observation that got me to this point. This point that happens to have me lost in utter confusion without an answer. So this is where I'll leave it for now, because I really have no clue where to go from here.


I got this recipe from my ex bf's mom a while back and completely fell in love with it. It says it's a salsa but it works just as well as a salad. It's so refreshing and healthy, but it fills you up too! (I boil my own beans and corn to avoid anything canned--takes a couple hours longer, but I think it's worth it) Perfect dish for people who've gone veggie. I made it the other night when I had the pleasure of reconnecting with a group of girl friends and it seemed to be very well liked because I had multiple requests for the recipe, so here it is! Hope you enjoy (:

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Need To Be Creative

The night before last I started really thinking deeply for the first time in a long time. I am always so busy getting stuff done around the house or preparing for a trip or whatever it is that takes up every minute of every day that I never take the time to just sit and think. So there I was, thinking--I mean SUPER abstract thoughts--and I just started scribbling all over multiple pieces of paper as fast as I could, trying to keep up with my brain that was moving well over 1000 mph. I've never written so poorly in my life. I'm not even sure I've ever been so engulfed in my own brain before. But by the end of the night I had realized that I've been completely suppressing/ignoring what little sense of creativity I have, and that I need to let it out. Someway, somehow. I think inside of everyone there is some unsung desire to be creative, because we're kind of programmed around this whole idea of creation, making us want to be creators ourself. We're finite creatures. We're not going to be around forever, but what will we leave behind when we're gone? I don't want to leave this world knowing I only consumed, consumed, consumed. As Lily Allen puts it, we're "weapons of mass consumption." Yes, I just quoted Lily Allen. But the point is, we're so obsessed with what everyone else creates that we disregard our own desire to create and end up losing our own imaginative abilities that we once held so dearly as children. So this is my shot at getting that ability back. I want to unlock that natural ability, allowing creative tendencies to continue and evolve, and make something out of my dreams, memories, thoughts... etc. This is my attempt at turning mind into matter. Once I get my piano back in my house I can start making music again, but for now, this and tumblr will be an outlet for my minuscule portion of creative thoughts, and I guess where I'll talk about what's going on in my world. So, it begins now...?